A common theme that you will see on Man Mondays is my (Raymond’s) point of view on everyday situations in a guy’s life. This week we are going to take a look at moving in with your significant other. This is a big step for all couples, married or not. At least from a guy’s perspective, truth be told, while they’re likely excited abut this step, it may be a bit frightening because it seems like their “alone” time is gone forever. Some part of that statement is correct and obvious, because you will be both living in the same space, but since it’s new for both of you, there are certain suggestions that I would have based on our experience.
First, a bit of history…
Moving into MY place
In our situation, Jess first moved into my original apartment that I lived in when we started dating. It was filled with my things, was my space, and was filled with my everyday routines. Don’t get me wrong, I was incredibly excited to have Jess move in with me, especially because I really didn’t have to do to much except help Jess move in, but I also needed to adjust the apartment so it became our place. To do that I opened up closet space (more than half), decided how much stuff I really needed available so that the space could hold her things, and of course cleaned the apartment to the best of my ability. But, after a couple of months there together, we realized that it still felt like she was living in my space, rather than creating a home together. This is absolutely a personal preference, and it varies dramatically based on the couple, but we needed to find something that felt like OUR home.
Picking out OUR place
Luckily for us, our next step in our lives included moving out to Colorado and getting a place we could both pick out together. Some things that I wanted when picking a new place included: outdoor space to grill, storage space for sports equipment, a place in the mountains, and enough land to have a couple of dogs. Well, I had to reel it in just a bit. Jess was not ready to live in the middle of nowhere (editor’s note: she’s still not) and it wasn’t really realistic for our lives at the moment. Understanding that we both didn’t want very long drives to work and needed to make friends, city life was the best pick.
After settling in, one thing that I learned quickly is that talking about something that bothers us is the best way. As an example, Jess likes things a little more cleaner than I do, and I usually remember where I leave things are right after I sit them down, even if that’s the middle of the floor. After a few mornings of not being able to find my shoes or keys it was time to talk things out and tell each other what was bothering the other.
Guys are the worst at not speaking their minds and sometimes you might have to pry their thoughts out of them. Through both living in my place and picking out our place, the only way we we’ve been able to live together successfully is by not letting problems fester.
For us, successfully living together has come down to Four Lessons to Consider:
1) Find a home where we could both be comfortable
2) Be honest and upfront about your likes/dislikes (ex. Jess not being comfortable living outside of the city)
3) Just like any roommate, share things that might be bothering you before you let them build up into something bigger
4) Express gratitude because showing appreciation for one another will keep you enjoying every step of this experience
JOIN THE CONVERSATION
If you live together, what tips do you have for other couples in this early step? If you do or do not live with a significant other, what are the things that you regularly consider when picking out a new home?
Create a great life!