This is yet another post that I drafted up once and completely re-wrote before posting. I agreed and offered to share updates as I go through this year as I move through my life post-divorce, but I’m having a hard time doing so. This being just over six months since my ex and I separated, it felt like the right time. (See here and here if you need to catch up.) Honestly, in a strange way, the back half of this year has gone so incredibly well that I’m almost scared to talk about it.
2017 has been weird, to say the very least. I think most of us can agree to that on one level or another. Not everything has been perfect. In fact, a lot of it has been really, really difficult to go through.
But I learned two very specific lessons this year that have made life feel oddly much “lighter.” I can’t think of another word for it – almost like I can breathe again.
1) I realized that when somebody bad cuts you out of their lives, you can only be mad for so long. No, I don’t speak to my ex husband anymore. In fact, if he or I wanted or needed to speak for some reason at this point, I really don’t think that I’d have much kind to say to him. That may change in the future, but I don’t think he’s a very good person – he makes bad, dumb decisions and would just be a hugely negative presence in my life. And I don’t need that in my world right now. You can’t hang out with negative people and expect to live a positive life.
2) When I was going through a piece of the low part in my journey this year, my now ex mother-in-law gave me a quote that I had to repeat regularly for quite some time. She suggested that we should, “…take the gifts that God gives us.” While I was busy trying to figure out what the heck was going on in my life for most of the front half of the year, God or the universe or whatever you believe was setting me up for some crazy gifts that I never would have expected. The back half of this year has included a business that (through a lot of hard work) became a six-figure business in less than six months, a team of employees that are incredibly accomplished and work hard to make our whole team better, fascinating clients that are changing the world in positive, effective ways, a gorgeous, new (navy blue, like everything I own) SUV that has powered the way along some crazy off-road adventures, the opportunity to be on two boards of major businesses – both a great learning experience and, as the first female on one of them, quite the honor, relationships with friends and family that are stronger than ever, and adventures that occur regularly and range from fishing, to sailing lessons, to backcountry skiing.
This year has been so far from perfect that it’s ridiculous. I recently found a little book that I had started making for my ex about a year ago and planned to give him for our one year anniversary – what actually occurred in the past year is almost the exact opposite of my vision at the time. I would never wish this piece of my journey even on my worst enemy. I have spent days in the hospital due to depression and anemia, I attended a friend’s funeral who left us much too soon, the person I thought I could trust most in this world decided to break every single promise he ever made to me, and I lost seemingly every single ounce of control that I thought I had on my life.
But, in the big scheme of things, I really do believe that 2017 will be a year that I look back on in a positive light. Negative people left my life; my slate was swept clean. I got to decide who and what I wanted to be and how I wanted to live.
Thus far it really does seem that the harder you fall… maybe it’s true that the higher you bounce.
No, this year was not perfect. In fact it has been really fuc*ing weird – I wish I could think of another word to describe it. But, if the back half of this year has been any indication, I am 100% on the right path.
We have one post left this year, which will be written by our newest editorial staff member Caitlin, so you can see her genius at work.
Since I’m signing off here for 2017, I wish you an incredible end of what is the most bizarre year on record and champagne cheers to a wonderful start to 2018. (At least I’m assuming it’s champagne… I’ll be at a friend’s wedding to celebrate the New Year. And I really, really love champagne.)